so close.

i'm not sure there's a more frustrating thing for a pregnant lady to hear than for her doctor to look at her and say, "girl, how are you still pregnant?!"

...

I DON'T KNOW.

my daughter clearly is holding on for as long as she can.

i'm 4 cm dilated, 100% effaced. Doctor said she could have broken my water with her fingernail if she'd wanted to. She asked how I possibly haven't been having any contractions, and I really had no answer. I've been told before by my OB that I have a high pain threshold, but I wouldn't think it'd be THAT high... we did discover that i've been mistaking some of my contractions for cramps. I've always had severe cramping with my periods, so I was used to the feeling and just wrote the cramping now off as just that- cramps, not contractions.

well OOPS.

My doctor was actually the one on-call at the hospital last night, and as we left her office yesterday she said she expected to see me there that night- that I wouldn't make it much longer.

Lo and behold, I had 3 total contractions last night- and no more. At this point, my doctor has said to just be on the lookout for ANY pain/regularity, whether or not it 'feel's like a contraction. At this rate, she's worried that by the time I might start having more painful contractions and go to the hospital, I'll be 8 or 9 cm dilated. Humph. 

SO,

i power walked like no preggo woman ever has before last night, and I intended on doing the same again here shortly. Here's to letting loose some contractions! :)

waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I think i can safely say that these last few days (and any remaining days) are going by about 6 million times slower than the whole past 9 months of my pregnancy. I am literally almost TEN months preggo now, and want this show to get on the road! >:{ I am attempting most of the suggested strategies to get this baby going... walking, rolling around on the yoga ball, and eating spicy foods (to the dismay of my stomach/esophagus later). I'm laying off the 'nipple stimulation' method because, if it even works, it can apparently lead to more painful/strong contractions than i would normally have- so that's out. I know sex is often a sure thing too. However, not only do I feel like a hippo, but since the doctor was so easily able to feel the baby's head last week, i'm feeling a little trepidation about anything going in THAT door...

NOT TO MENTION,

it's all compounded by the fact that i'm not even having really any labor 'symptoms' that would insinuate i'm going into labor soon. I mean yes, the baby's head has dropped & i'm dilating & 80% effaced, but all that means almost nothing if I don't have regular & increasingly strong contractions. I don't even FEEL uncomfortable/miserable... which I feel like I should be feeling at least a little shitty if i'm so close to delivering. I'm still running up stairs, bouncing around the house, running errands, etc. Other than some occasional cramping, you'd never think I was hours/days away from active labor if you didn't know about the dilation/effacement.

so basically,

i feel like i'm going to be pregnant forever.

at least a FEW contractions would help me see there was some light at the end of the tunnel. My doctors won't let me go any longer than October 15th. I know that's only next saturday, but Jesus, you can't tell a pregnant woman who's beyond full term that, "hey, that's just a week or so away!" ... that's an eternity. I appreciate my dad/step mom, grandparents, mother-in-law (which she all but is), and tanner's dad/step mom calling me every day to check on me... HOWEVER, it's really just a friendly reminder that YEP, i haven't had the baby yet- YES, it's time she was here & it should be any time now. It makes it worse that I have to verbally say each of those things several times a day to people that are like" well i'm getting awful anxious & am ready for her to be here..."

really.

you have no idea, dear ignorant (but loving) family member.

I AM BEYOND READY.

The one thing I have not done is drink castor oil, my reasoning being,

1. never mind that it tastes like shit, but it's definitely not a proven method, and

2. it's a laxative. as much as this waiting game sucks, i'd rather wait than take that & have the runs for God knows how long :x

and of course, as i'm watching a Baby Story on TLC, the mother in this episode is 70% effaced and 2 cm dilated (like myself), but is in active labor.

...

WHY can't my body to that?

so frustrating.

On a different note, she's screaming like a maniac and acting like a pregzilla.

If nothing else, out of pride i REFUSE to be one of those women that lies on the bed screaming & crying. It's called labor for a reason- it hurts. It's the hardest thing i'll probably ever have to do- but it's worth it. My plan is to go as natural as long as I can, (ideally until i'm 8cm), at which point i'll get the epidural JUST so that I can push. I don't want to be too exhausted from dealing naturally with the contractions that i'm too tired to push when it's time to do so. I've also stipulated that I'd like to help catch her as she comes out and want her to be immediately put on my chest so I can breastfeed. I know that babies do something called the 'chest crawl', which is absolutely amazing and I really hope to experience. Basically, the baby is put on my chest as soon as she's born, and she will literally inch or CRAWL her way towards my boobs because they give off some scent that's similar to what she's been smelling in my womb these past 9 months, so she instinctively knows to head in that direction. Also, (not to give too much info), but my areoles (?) have gotten darker with pregnancy, as they're supposed to. This darkness helps direct her in the way of my boobs because, being a baby- she can't see very well, but she CAN distinguish light & dark. So not only are they darker so that she can see them, but they smell like something that's familiar and that she's drawn to, so she'll literally crawl her way to them months before she should even know HOW to crawl. 

It's truly amazing.

Aside from having this little complain/rant fest, I'm actually a pretty happy camper :x

I'm healthy, she's healthy, & everything really is going great :)

reflections.

I suppose I need to get used to functioning on little or no sleep, but I was really hoping I could begin that fun little aspect of motherhood upon her birth, not before :X humph. There used to be the good ole days where I could get up to eat breakfast or do little things around the house and have no problem going back to bed. I woke up to pee (of course) at about 5:45am this morning, and after lying in bed attempting to fall back asleep for 30 minutes- gave in and got up. blah

/end rant

ANYWHO,

hoorah! Today it's about 60 something degrees outside & gorgeous. I can finally get out the light sweaters & fall clothes (which are my favorite anyway). 

Tanner & I are supposed to have lunch with his step mom today as she's in town for business or something for the day, and it really highlights this certain theme that's been part of my whole pregnancy... and that's an increased feeling of togetherness between us and each of our respective families. It's amazing how a baby can bring some people together.

 As for me personally, I've had some long unresolved, bitter issues with my biological father & his side of the family (an uncle & his wife/kids, and my grandparents on his side). Whenever my mom would try to understand why I didn't just love anyone I was related to I would always use the argument that biology does NOT equal family (and I still believe this), however , in respect to my father & his side of the family, Layla has really made me re-think the point of my bitterness and just reevaluate how I feel about them as a whole. The past is the past, and I feel like Layla is really helping me be more willing to start with a clean slate with them. We've been communicating more than ever, particularly in these recent weeks, as they call me to check on me and hear all the details of our little one. My uncle actually purchased Tanner & I a brand new washer & dryer for our apartment, which was more than humbling for me. Not to insinuate that I'm more willing to start anew with them because they're buying my love- that's not the situation at all. He's really the only one that's chosen to do something like that. 

I like this whole new 'starting over' thing :)

On a different note, i'd just like to touch on how FREAKING READY TO GO I am to pop this fetus out. I'm really confused as to how my doctor seemed so convinced that I would have the baby by wednesday... I just haven't had hardly ANY contractions, let alone some that are even semi- regular. I feel the same now as I did a month or two ago, which or the most part, is pretty good. I still feel fairly peppy, still go up the stairs two at a time, and just... i don't know. I just figured if I'm that close to labor, I'd be a lot more uncomfortable. I have pretty much constant pressure on my pelvis because of how low her head is, but other than that, I don't feel any closer to labor :/ I can't believe i'm saying this, but i almost WISH I were having a least a few contractions, so the end did indeed seem near. I hate this waiting game...

There IS a full moon on october 11/12, and a lot of people are thinking i'll go into labor around then. I suppose I'll take what I can get, at this point. 

I'm realllllly hoping to avoid being induced simply because, though there are several methods to induce, hospitals really love to use & commonly use Pitocin, which makes the contractions hurt worse & often the entire labor more difficult. If i'm going natural, Pitocin's not going to help the whole 'let's not use any pain meds' mentality.

after.

ahhhhhh

we found out today that i'm now 2 cm dilated (which is still a bit more than i expected, but not much), BUT, the big thing is that i'm now 70-80% effaced... meaning my cervix is almost nonexistent! ALSO, upon examining me, the doctor was amazed at how low Layla's head is. We scheduled my next appointment for next week, but the doctor said she wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor before that appointment

...

!!!!$%#$^#&#$&

So i'm somewhere in between laughing hysterically and completely freaking out.

But in a good way.

if that makes any sense.

I've had our bags packed for weeks,

but today just made it all a bit more real :)

before.

I've always considered myself a fairly even tempered person, and these mood swings here in the last few weeks of pregnancy are just a little ridiculous. However, happily (more so for those around me than for myself), the past couple days i've found myself in a very peppy, content, upbeat mood. I'm not sure how long this burst of energy/goodness will last, though... so trying to enjoy it while I can!

Following the idea of good moods, I hope to still be in one in 2 hours when I get out of my doctor appointment. They're finally checking me for more dilation today. Though I don't expect to be dilated much more and don't want to get my hopes up, I do hope i'm at least 1 1/2 or 2 in. instead of just 1 :/ Not looking forward to stepping on the scale, either. I've gained 22 lbs so far, which is a little under what they told me to expect to gain- but it's weight gained, nonetheless!

I've been walking, sitting/bouncing on the birthing ball, going up stairs often, and eating spicy foods- so hopefully progress is in our future!

:D

Welp, i've been thinking about doing one of these things for awhile, and seeing as how my life is experiencing a lot of 'firsts' lately- now seemed like a good time to attempt this whole blog thing. I'm not sure how I feel about making it totally public on facebook & whatnot (and am not sure I even am going to)... I may experiment with some privacy settings first or something. I value privacy on a different level now than I did say, oh, 9 months ago :p

Well i guess I'll jump on the bandwagon as far as doing the whole 'about me' thing...

I've just recently turned 22 and have experienced a complete 180 from where I was in life this time last year... But i'm getting ahead of myself, i guess.

 I'm an only child (ahhh stigmas) and was born in Chattanooga, TN. After my parents divorced when I was 2, my mom and I moved to the Maryville/Knoxville area where we lived until I was 5 or 6. Then my step-dad's job moved us to Lexington, SC where we lived until my sophomore year of high school, when his job transferred us BACK to Tennessee, but this time middle tennessee- Murfreesboro. I graduated form Blackman (meh) in '08 and moved back to Knoxville without knowing a soul there to attend the University of Tennessee. I remained there for 3 years and made some of the best & worst decisions of my life. I have a select few regrets, but for the most part I have learned an immense amount from my experiences and decisions there. 

Lo and behold, on Valentine's Day this past year, my boyfriend and I discovered we (who am I kidding? I'm the Humpty Dumpty here) were pregnant! Though it certainly was not 'planned' (note: do not rely on birth control that you've just switched to and have been on less than a month), we have taken everything in stride and are now super exciting and anxiously awaiting the birth of our daughter- Layla Grace Irvine. That being said, some changes were definitely in order... we both have now moved back to Murfreesboro in order to be close to my parents. He is working at a great new job (full time, weekends off, & benefits!) while I've transferred to MTSU and am working on finishing up my degree. Upon graduation, I will (hopefully) find a job & become the sole supporter while he takes HIS turn to go back to and finish school... that's the plan, anyway.

I am currently 38-39 weeks pregnant, 1 cm (at least) dilated, and chomping at the bit to pop this baby out. Though I haven't had the swelling or stretch marks that some women have, I still feel like a snake that's swallowed a basketball, and relish the thought of nights where I can sleep on my stomach (& without 5 pillows), and days where I don't go to the bathroom 9 million times a day.

SO, though my due date (which is tentative at best anyway, since I couldn't remember the first day of my last period :/ ) is October 8, we are expecting Layla to come any time now since dilation & effacement has already begun. We are also moving into our new apartment in the next 7 weeks :) Until then, i'm focusing as much energy as I can on school. I was able to knock out 5 classes over the summer and am currently in 2 classes this fall. My goal, however, is to work ahead & have both classes completed in the next 2 weeks or so. I've just switched my major from child & family studies to special education, and am super excited about what the future holds for me in that respect.

New major, new home, new baby :D

Life is good.