noob alert

Well i went ahead and decided to do a separate blog, but instead of focusing solely on eye shadow i've decided to make it about everything beauty related! I think i'm going to talk about/review things I have that I like, things I want, products that are new or currently hot, techniques, etc... basically, all things beauty :)

i'm hoping to get a decent following on there... at least of other people who love the products just as much as I do, and we can swap info & learn more as we go along. The blog is primitive at best, as i'm still new to the whole blogging thing (esp. as far as organization or any advanced layout options go).

Hopefully I can find time to make the blog worth my (& anyone else reading it's) while. Finals are soon & then i'll have almost a month off from school that I can devote to it! Unfortunately, I don't get a month off from being a mom... but no school should definitely make things easier :)

new possibility.

k so, along with this personal blog, i've been thinking about starting a blog that discusses make-up (or really, primarily eye shadows) techniques, brands, new trends, and things i'm currently into. Not that the few people that read this would actually give a damn, but MAYHAPS someone will. and plus, it'll be fun for me, if nothing else.

a few downfalls to this idea:

1. i don't know exactly how i'd go about blogging about them. i thought of maybe trying a different shadow/technique per entry & blogging about that... but that brings me to-

2. i don't have a great camera for taking pictures of what i do :/ & there's no point putting the pictures up if they're going to be shitty quality. and,

3. i DO have a newborn & am going to school (& responsible for anything and everything related to maintaining the apt/bills/food)... so i'm not sure how much time i could devote to it. And i don't want to half-ass the blog :/ 

finally, 4. i'm not exactly a make-up guru. nor am i a pro at doing my own make-up or techniques. basically. I'd just want to blog to explore & discuss what's out there, get feedback from others with similar interests, & learn new things along the way.

( i really like to number things, don't i? :s )

Jury is still out, but i shall ponder my little idea more tonight & see what I decide by tomorrow

:)

tidbits

I'd like to just dedicate this entry to a soapbox venting session.

things that are currently irritating:

1. Having one tv in the apartment: No, tanner, I (shockingly) don't want to ALWAYS watch you play video games & get your awesome headshots or level up in Skyrim. I would just like to watch my football game, thanks.

2. dirty dishes left in sink that are still caked with food: you could AT LEAST wash them off if you're going to leave them there

3. sharing a drink with someone who takes 1,000 drinks to my 1 drink: self explanatory

4. blaring one's car horn at a friend in a terrible attempt to be funny: it's not. stop it.

5. people that refer to Layla as a 'he': really, you idiot? she's wearing a PINK hat & is swaddled in a PINK blanket. perhaps i should get her a hat/blanket that reads 'I HAVE A (teeny) VAGINA' on it

/endrant

almost time!

1 week exactly until we move into the new place!

and meh, so much to get done. Currently, the majority of things from my old apartment are stuffed in a room in my parent's house. My couch is in Maryville at my aunt's, and tanner's bedroom furniture & dining room table are in knoxville. The washer/dryer are to be delivered next weekend, and there are still some home accents & furniture to be purchased. We did finally go this past weekend and pick out the pain color for the living room (which, by the way- i'm not too happy with. Tanner really liked it, and yeah- it's a nice color, but I really think it's going to go on much darker than he realizes... but I didn't want to be too bossy so i let him pick. probably the last time i will do that when I know better :/), and I still need to finally order her crib as well.

Here's a super crappy picture of the floor plan:

Also, i'm thinking it's time for a bit of a change with my hair... I want to keep it long (though I do need a trim) and I need it re-layered. I'd love to try a new hairstyle, but most of the ones I likes require some sort of routine with foam, gel, some type of spray or product... which i've never used. The ONLY hair 'product' i've ever used is hairspray :/ And especially now with the baby (but even before Layla), I don't want to take the time NOR do i have the time to do much more than hop out of the shower, brush my hair, let it air dry- and bam, done. That's all i do now. I don't even blow dry it much anymore unless i'm in a hurry. SO, the task is to find a new hairstyle that doesn't require me to do much more than I do now... if it's even out there. 

I've never colored my hair either, and am secretly curious to maybe do a bit of dark red highlights or something... but I know coloring is super hard on & bad for your hair (not to mention expensive!), so for now I'm restraining myself :/

I took Layla to her 1 month well baby check yesterday, and she's perfect :) She's gained a whopping 2 lbs in a month (yay, success at breast feeding!). She also had developed what we thought was a rash on her face, but turns out it's just baby acne & there's nothing we can do for it :/ It doesn't hurt her or anything, just looks worse than it is, I guess. Dr. said it should be gone by 3 or 4 months. 

Also, she has a strawberry birthmark on the skin between her thumb and pointer finger, which he said should be gone by the time she's 4 or 5.

I was such a proud momma yesterday. I watched loads of other babies get set on the little newborn scale they use, and they were screaming and crying bloody murder. Layla never uttered a sound when she was weighed :) She just laid there and made little noise to amuse herself. 

I believe that's all for now, will try to update again soon :D

starting to get the hang of things...

alas! this shall be my much delayed second post as a mother (aka zombie). It's true what they say- my 'mothering' instincts really have kicked in & i'm in full mommy/kickass-multi-tasker mode. That being said, the instincts have done nothing in the way of helping me get hardly any sleep... which I knew would be part of it, but GEEZ it sucks (massive understatement, obvi). The only reason i've found time to finally post again is because i'm currently awaiting my stubborn daughter to fall asleep. The poor thing HATES giving up the day. She'll doze off and catch herself, and jerk awake again. The issue of sleep in and of itself has been an issue with her... the goal is to (sometime in the next few weeks) get her to sleep AT LEAST a few nights a week in her bassinet. She can be passed out in my arms but as soon as I lay her down to sleep in that bassinet, she starts wailing. So, figuring she just hates to be laid on her back in a big, flat area we've been allowing her to sleep in her bouncer. It's super soft & comfy and cocoons her, and she seems to love it. However, even that hasn't been working the past couple nights, so i finally gave in & am allowing her to sleep in her swing tonight- and am praying for better results. At this point, i'll do anything to get even 3 hours of consecutive rest. So far, she seems to be at least a bit less alert than she usually is at this hour- all thanks to the swing (i think/hope). Though the little thing certainly can't sleep in the swing on the reg, so the problem of figuring out a way to get her to sleep in the bassinet/crib is still hovering over our heads :/

Aside from the sleep issue, Layla really is a super easygoing & content baby. She's having more & more alert periods, but she's happy just chilling in her swing or bouncer, sucking on the paci-ish thing, and just taking everything in. She eats almost exactly every 2 hours, which is exhausting of course. Speaking of eating, the whole breast feeding thing is going amazingly well! The first week was super tough because my poor nipples weren't quite used to such activity and were so sore. Engorgement was also a particularly fun time, when my boobs swelled to literally twice their pre-preggo size and I had more milk than Layla was eating, which led to the early purchase of a breast pump (which is ridiculous, by the way- i can pump a good 5 oz in 5 minutes!). After the first week, however, the soreness wore off and breast feeding is like second nature now :)

On that note, I will have to cut this post a bit short because baby has woken up and is, of course, hungry. :p

this is my first post as a new, proud momma & i have a feeling I will hardly be able to keep up this whole blogging thing with the same dedication I had prior to Layla :/

However, i'm running on a decent 3 hours of sleep and had a miniscule amount of free time that I decided to use for this :)

Well, note from my last post*: sex (and possibly walking) definitely do the trick. Late last thursday night, I was fed up with being pregnant. I'd done some more power walking with mom earlier that evening, and Tanner & I decided, what the hell? Let's give sex a go & see what happens. If nothing else, we'll have a little bit of fun. It was a successful, though hilarious, attempt. And honestly, I really didn't expect anything to come of it. IF anything happened, I figured it'd take at least a day to get anything going. So around 1:30 I finally collapsed in bed.

...

By 1:56, I had been timing my contractions for almost 30 minutes, they were 3-6 minutes apart, i'd woken tanner & my parents, and we were headed to the hospital.

By 3am I was admitted and the show was on the road :p

The whole labor itself was not what I expected or had prepared myself for. Initially, the contractions were getting stronger & super uncomfortable (duh), and I had strictly back labor- I never felt a single pain in my tummy. So after a bit, I decided to try to stand up rather than lay on my back on that horrid hospital bed- and that worked WONDERS. The pain went from a 5 to a 2 almost instantly. The contractions were much more manageable, & by 6 cm I was still standing up & going strong with no epidural (which was my plan) :D However, I was dilating super fast ( i'd decided to get the epidural only at the last possible moment, ideally 8 cm) and the doctor told me that if i still wanted to get it, i'd better get it now at 7 cm, because by the time I go to 8 and she made it back to my room to give it to me, I might have already progressed to 9 and then it would be too late for me to have it :/ So in my spine the needle went (which, by the way, was not bad at all- it just felt like someone tugging on my back a bit or something).

I was feeling pretty great until out of NOWHERE, i got these intense, super painful cramps in my left thigh. It was more painful than any of the contractions I'd had before and... I really don't even know how to describe it. The pain was just so ridiculous. The doctor came back in to check me & said I was experiencing leg labor (which i'd never heard of before) and that i'd gone from 8 cm to almost 10 in that past 5 minutes- and that it was time to push!

Pushing, oddly enough, was probably the easiest part of the whole pregnancy/birthing experience. My morning sickness & headaches were worse. I'd always seen on tv these women screaming & straining as they pushed, & having to practice how to do it.

I don't know if it was just me or what, but it was most natural thing ever. I didn't turn beet red from straining so much, I wasn't sweating or crying- I just pushed. They make it out to be so horrible but truly, if you're just calm & determined, it's not bad at all. I pushed for about 20 minutes and then all of a sudden, the nurse was holding my head up off the pillow so I could see over the sheet and I saw the doctor pulling my beautiful baby girl out. Tanner cut the cord (he also helped hold my leg back as I pushed, but i FORBADE him to look down at the queen victoria & what was happening to it) and then they wrapped her up in a blanket and put on her on my chest- which was indescribable. She had been squalling when she came out (obvi), but quieted down immediately upon being put on my chest. I had Tanner there to lean in and hug me & her, and it honestly was one of, if not THE, happiest moment(s) in my life.

The recovery was not bad at all, which also surprised me. I figured i'd be in the hospital a day or two and then bedridden at home for at least a week, if not more. But by the day after delivering her, I was able to walk around fine and 2 days later, was able to move around just as I did before with no problems :)

It's an amazing feeling being a parent. I never knew I could love someone with such an absolute fierce passion. I cry out of happiness all the time just looking at her.

And she's such a good baby. Very content & easygoing, and really only cries when you change her diaper, which she absolutely hates, haha :X

She's added an element of such happiness to our lives that we never knew existed. Tanner is smitten with  her, of course, and she has him wrapped around her little finger :p He's been amazing through this and is such a fantastic father. We call him the baby whisperer because half the time when she's fussy, he can hold her & she instantly settles right down.

Oh- she's awake, and hungry :/

Thus ends this post, but I shall try to update this at least once a week if I can 

:D

so close.

i'm not sure there's a more frustrating thing for a pregnant lady to hear than for her doctor to look at her and say, "girl, how are you still pregnant?!"

...

I DON'T KNOW.

my daughter clearly is holding on for as long as she can.

i'm 4 cm dilated, 100% effaced. Doctor said she could have broken my water with her fingernail if she'd wanted to. She asked how I possibly haven't been having any contractions, and I really had no answer. I've been told before by my OB that I have a high pain threshold, but I wouldn't think it'd be THAT high... we did discover that i've been mistaking some of my contractions for cramps. I've always had severe cramping with my periods, so I was used to the feeling and just wrote the cramping now off as just that- cramps, not contractions.

well OOPS.

My doctor was actually the one on-call at the hospital last night, and as we left her office yesterday she said she expected to see me there that night- that I wouldn't make it much longer.

Lo and behold, I had 3 total contractions last night- and no more. At this point, my doctor has said to just be on the lookout for ANY pain/regularity, whether or not it 'feel's like a contraction. At this rate, she's worried that by the time I might start having more painful contractions and go to the hospital, I'll be 8 or 9 cm dilated. Humph. 

SO,

i power walked like no preggo woman ever has before last night, and I intended on doing the same again here shortly. Here's to letting loose some contractions! :)

waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I think i can safely say that these last few days (and any remaining days) are going by about 6 million times slower than the whole past 9 months of my pregnancy. I am literally almost TEN months preggo now, and want this show to get on the road! >:{ I am attempting most of the suggested strategies to get this baby going... walking, rolling around on the yoga ball, and eating spicy foods (to the dismay of my stomach/esophagus later). I'm laying off the 'nipple stimulation' method because, if it even works, it can apparently lead to more painful/strong contractions than i would normally have- so that's out. I know sex is often a sure thing too. However, not only do I feel like a hippo, but since the doctor was so easily able to feel the baby's head last week, i'm feeling a little trepidation about anything going in THAT door...

NOT TO MENTION,

it's all compounded by the fact that i'm not even having really any labor 'symptoms' that would insinuate i'm going into labor soon. I mean yes, the baby's head has dropped & i'm dilating & 80% effaced, but all that means almost nothing if I don't have regular & increasingly strong contractions. I don't even FEEL uncomfortable/miserable... which I feel like I should be feeling at least a little shitty if i'm so close to delivering. I'm still running up stairs, bouncing around the house, running errands, etc. Other than some occasional cramping, you'd never think I was hours/days away from active labor if you didn't know about the dilation/effacement.

so basically,

i feel like i'm going to be pregnant forever.

at least a FEW contractions would help me see there was some light at the end of the tunnel. My doctors won't let me go any longer than October 15th. I know that's only next saturday, but Jesus, you can't tell a pregnant woman who's beyond full term that, "hey, that's just a week or so away!" ... that's an eternity. I appreciate my dad/step mom, grandparents, mother-in-law (which she all but is), and tanner's dad/step mom calling me every day to check on me... HOWEVER, it's really just a friendly reminder that YEP, i haven't had the baby yet- YES, it's time she was here & it should be any time now. It makes it worse that I have to verbally say each of those things several times a day to people that are like" well i'm getting awful anxious & am ready for her to be here..."

really.

you have no idea, dear ignorant (but loving) family member.

I AM BEYOND READY.

The one thing I have not done is drink castor oil, my reasoning being,

1. never mind that it tastes like shit, but it's definitely not a proven method, and

2. it's a laxative. as much as this waiting game sucks, i'd rather wait than take that & have the runs for God knows how long :x

and of course, as i'm watching a Baby Story on TLC, the mother in this episode is 70% effaced and 2 cm dilated (like myself), but is in active labor.

...

WHY can't my body to that?

so frustrating.

On a different note, she's screaming like a maniac and acting like a pregzilla.

If nothing else, out of pride i REFUSE to be one of those women that lies on the bed screaming & crying. It's called labor for a reason- it hurts. It's the hardest thing i'll probably ever have to do- but it's worth it. My plan is to go as natural as long as I can, (ideally until i'm 8cm), at which point i'll get the epidural JUST so that I can push. I don't want to be too exhausted from dealing naturally with the contractions that i'm too tired to push when it's time to do so. I've also stipulated that I'd like to help catch her as she comes out and want her to be immediately put on my chest so I can breastfeed. I know that babies do something called the 'chest crawl', which is absolutely amazing and I really hope to experience. Basically, the baby is put on my chest as soon as she's born, and she will literally inch or CRAWL her way towards my boobs because they give off some scent that's similar to what she's been smelling in my womb these past 9 months, so she instinctively knows to head in that direction. Also, (not to give too much info), but my areoles (?) have gotten darker with pregnancy, as they're supposed to. This darkness helps direct her in the way of my boobs because, being a baby- she can't see very well, but she CAN distinguish light & dark. So not only are they darker so that she can see them, but they smell like something that's familiar and that she's drawn to, so she'll literally crawl her way to them months before she should even know HOW to crawl. 

It's truly amazing.

Aside from having this little complain/rant fest, I'm actually a pretty happy camper :x

I'm healthy, she's healthy, & everything really is going great :)

reflections.

I suppose I need to get used to functioning on little or no sleep, but I was really hoping I could begin that fun little aspect of motherhood upon her birth, not before :X humph. There used to be the good ole days where I could get up to eat breakfast or do little things around the house and have no problem going back to bed. I woke up to pee (of course) at about 5:45am this morning, and after lying in bed attempting to fall back asleep for 30 minutes- gave in and got up. blah

/end rant

ANYWHO,

hoorah! Today it's about 60 something degrees outside & gorgeous. I can finally get out the light sweaters & fall clothes (which are my favorite anyway). 

Tanner & I are supposed to have lunch with his step mom today as she's in town for business or something for the day, and it really highlights this certain theme that's been part of my whole pregnancy... and that's an increased feeling of togetherness between us and each of our respective families. It's amazing how a baby can bring some people together.

 As for me personally, I've had some long unresolved, bitter issues with my biological father & his side of the family (an uncle & his wife/kids, and my grandparents on his side). Whenever my mom would try to understand why I didn't just love anyone I was related to I would always use the argument that biology does NOT equal family (and I still believe this), however , in respect to my father & his side of the family, Layla has really made me re-think the point of my bitterness and just reevaluate how I feel about them as a whole. The past is the past, and I feel like Layla is really helping me be more willing to start with a clean slate with them. We've been communicating more than ever, particularly in these recent weeks, as they call me to check on me and hear all the details of our little one. My uncle actually purchased Tanner & I a brand new washer & dryer for our apartment, which was more than humbling for me. Not to insinuate that I'm more willing to start anew with them because they're buying my love- that's not the situation at all. He's really the only one that's chosen to do something like that. 

I like this whole new 'starting over' thing :)

On a different note, i'd just like to touch on how FREAKING READY TO GO I am to pop this fetus out. I'm really confused as to how my doctor seemed so convinced that I would have the baby by wednesday... I just haven't had hardly ANY contractions, let alone some that are even semi- regular. I feel the same now as I did a month or two ago, which or the most part, is pretty good. I still feel fairly peppy, still go up the stairs two at a time, and just... i don't know. I just figured if I'm that close to labor, I'd be a lot more uncomfortable. I have pretty much constant pressure on my pelvis because of how low her head is, but other than that, I don't feel any closer to labor :/ I can't believe i'm saying this, but i almost WISH I were having a least a few contractions, so the end did indeed seem near. I hate this waiting game...

There IS a full moon on october 11/12, and a lot of people are thinking i'll go into labor around then. I suppose I'll take what I can get, at this point. 

I'm realllllly hoping to avoid being induced simply because, though there are several methods to induce, hospitals really love to use & commonly use Pitocin, which makes the contractions hurt worse & often the entire labor more difficult. If i'm going natural, Pitocin's not going to help the whole 'let's not use any pain meds' mentality.

after.

ahhhhhh

we found out today that i'm now 2 cm dilated (which is still a bit more than i expected, but not much), BUT, the big thing is that i'm now 70-80% effaced... meaning my cervix is almost nonexistent! ALSO, upon examining me, the doctor was amazed at how low Layla's head is. We scheduled my next appointment for next week, but the doctor said she wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor before that appointment

...

!!!!$%#$^#&#$&

So i'm somewhere in between laughing hysterically and completely freaking out.

But in a good way.

if that makes any sense.

I've had our bags packed for weeks,

but today just made it all a bit more real :)

before.

I've always considered myself a fairly even tempered person, and these mood swings here in the last few weeks of pregnancy are just a little ridiculous. However, happily (more so for those around me than for myself), the past couple days i've found myself in a very peppy, content, upbeat mood. I'm not sure how long this burst of energy/goodness will last, though... so trying to enjoy it while I can!

Following the idea of good moods, I hope to still be in one in 2 hours when I get out of my doctor appointment. They're finally checking me for more dilation today. Though I don't expect to be dilated much more and don't want to get my hopes up, I do hope i'm at least 1 1/2 or 2 in. instead of just 1 :/ Not looking forward to stepping on the scale, either. I've gained 22 lbs so far, which is a little under what they told me to expect to gain- but it's weight gained, nonetheless!

I've been walking, sitting/bouncing on the birthing ball, going up stairs often, and eating spicy foods- so hopefully progress is in our future!

:D

Welp, i've been thinking about doing one of these things for awhile, and seeing as how my life is experiencing a lot of 'firsts' lately- now seemed like a good time to attempt this whole blog thing. I'm not sure how I feel about making it totally public on facebook & whatnot (and am not sure I even am going to)... I may experiment with some privacy settings first or something. I value privacy on a different level now than I did say, oh, 9 months ago :p

Well i guess I'll jump on the bandwagon as far as doing the whole 'about me' thing...

I've just recently turned 22 and have experienced a complete 180 from where I was in life this time last year... But i'm getting ahead of myself, i guess.

 I'm an only child (ahhh stigmas) and was born in Chattanooga, TN. After my parents divorced when I was 2, my mom and I moved to the Maryville/Knoxville area where we lived until I was 5 or 6. Then my step-dad's job moved us to Lexington, SC where we lived until my sophomore year of high school, when his job transferred us BACK to Tennessee, but this time middle tennessee- Murfreesboro. I graduated form Blackman (meh) in '08 and moved back to Knoxville without knowing a soul there to attend the University of Tennessee. I remained there for 3 years and made some of the best & worst decisions of my life. I have a select few regrets, but for the most part I have learned an immense amount from my experiences and decisions there. 

Lo and behold, on Valentine's Day this past year, my boyfriend and I discovered we (who am I kidding? I'm the Humpty Dumpty here) were pregnant! Though it certainly was not 'planned' (note: do not rely on birth control that you've just switched to and have been on less than a month), we have taken everything in stride and are now super exciting and anxiously awaiting the birth of our daughter- Layla Grace Irvine. That being said, some changes were definitely in order... we both have now moved back to Murfreesboro in order to be close to my parents. He is working at a great new job (full time, weekends off, & benefits!) while I've transferred to MTSU and am working on finishing up my degree. Upon graduation, I will (hopefully) find a job & become the sole supporter while he takes HIS turn to go back to and finish school... that's the plan, anyway.

I am currently 38-39 weeks pregnant, 1 cm (at least) dilated, and chomping at the bit to pop this baby out. Though I haven't had the swelling or stretch marks that some women have, I still feel like a snake that's swallowed a basketball, and relish the thought of nights where I can sleep on my stomach (& without 5 pillows), and days where I don't go to the bathroom 9 million times a day.

SO, though my due date (which is tentative at best anyway, since I couldn't remember the first day of my last period :/ ) is October 8, we are expecting Layla to come any time now since dilation & effacement has already begun. We are also moving into our new apartment in the next 7 weeks :) Until then, i'm focusing as much energy as I can on school. I was able to knock out 5 classes over the summer and am currently in 2 classes this fall. My goal, however, is to work ahead & have both classes completed in the next 2 weeks or so. I've just switched my major from child & family studies to special education, and am super excited about what the future holds for me in that respect.

New major, new home, new baby :D

Life is good.