reflections.

I suppose I need to get used to functioning on little or no sleep, but I was really hoping I could begin that fun little aspect of motherhood upon her birth, not before :X humph. There used to be the good ole days where I could get up to eat breakfast or do little things around the house and have no problem going back to bed. I woke up to pee (of course) at about 5:45am this morning, and after lying in bed attempting to fall back asleep for 30 minutes- gave in and got up. blah

/end rant

ANYWHO,

hoorah! Today it's about 60 something degrees outside & gorgeous. I can finally get out the light sweaters & fall clothes (which are my favorite anyway). 

Tanner & I are supposed to have lunch with his step mom today as she's in town for business or something for the day, and it really highlights this certain theme that's been part of my whole pregnancy... and that's an increased feeling of togetherness between us and each of our respective families. It's amazing how a baby can bring some people together.

 As for me personally, I've had some long unresolved, bitter issues with my biological father & his side of the family (an uncle & his wife/kids, and my grandparents on his side). Whenever my mom would try to understand why I didn't just love anyone I was related to I would always use the argument that biology does NOT equal family (and I still believe this), however , in respect to my father & his side of the family, Layla has really made me re-think the point of my bitterness and just reevaluate how I feel about them as a whole. The past is the past, and I feel like Layla is really helping me be more willing to start with a clean slate with them. We've been communicating more than ever, particularly in these recent weeks, as they call me to check on me and hear all the details of our little one. My uncle actually purchased Tanner & I a brand new washer & dryer for our apartment, which was more than humbling for me. Not to insinuate that I'm more willing to start anew with them because they're buying my love- that's not the situation at all. He's really the only one that's chosen to do something like that. 

I like this whole new 'starting over' thing :)

On a different note, i'd just like to touch on how FREAKING READY TO GO I am to pop this fetus out. I'm really confused as to how my doctor seemed so convinced that I would have the baby by wednesday... I just haven't had hardly ANY contractions, let alone some that are even semi- regular. I feel the same now as I did a month or two ago, which or the most part, is pretty good. I still feel fairly peppy, still go up the stairs two at a time, and just... i don't know. I just figured if I'm that close to labor, I'd be a lot more uncomfortable. I have pretty much constant pressure on my pelvis because of how low her head is, but other than that, I don't feel any closer to labor :/ I can't believe i'm saying this, but i almost WISH I were having a least a few contractions, so the end did indeed seem near. I hate this waiting game...

There IS a full moon on october 11/12, and a lot of people are thinking i'll go into labor around then. I suppose I'll take what I can get, at this point. 

I'm realllllly hoping to avoid being induced simply because, though there are several methods to induce, hospitals really love to use & commonly use Pitocin, which makes the contractions hurt worse & often the entire labor more difficult. If i'm going natural, Pitocin's not going to help the whole 'let's not use any pain meds' mentality.